I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
