To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
