Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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