I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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