Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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