Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
