I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
