Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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