Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Randomize
