I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
