dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
