We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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