Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
