jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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