I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
