got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
