In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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