Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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