So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
it was like eating out sand paper
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
