after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize