He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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