Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
