He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
