All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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