my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
