Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
