Slut skills are useful in every country.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
