If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
