life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
