If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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