do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
