Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
