Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
