WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
