We're like a lot better than the average bears
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
