tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
