Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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