Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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