I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
