I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize