What did we do last night that was yellow?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
