dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
