Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
