her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize