you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
