WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
