Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My brain says no but my pants say off.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
