i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
