Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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