I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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