I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize