I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
