I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
