I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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