Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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