bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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