After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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