He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
