I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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