he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
