the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Green mimosas i think yes
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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