She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
