Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
