I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
